Sometimes I wonder how many decisions I've made over the years simply because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't.
Afraid of not making enough money. Afraid of losing something we'd worked hard for. Afraid of failing again, falling behind, or making a decision we couldn't undo.
When you've spent years running a business and trying to keep everything going, you can get pretty good at convincing yourself that whatever brings in more money or feels more secure must be the responsible thing to do like more loads, more trucks, more employees. Growth meant getting bigger right?
I've done that more times than I care to admit. But something happened earlier this year that made me look at the way I was making decisions a little differently.
The Job That Seemed Like the Answer
Earlier this year, I applied for a full-time position with a large company working with transporters and vehicle auctions. Most of the work would have been remote, which made it even more appealing.
I already knew the industry. I had years of experience doing this kind of work, and there was the possibility of a steady paycheck, benefits, retirement, and a more predictable income.
At the time, we were trying to figure out what direction to take our own business. We had spent years building Durrett Recovery, but the employees, expenses, schedules, and responsibilities had gotten to be too much.
We were working so hard to keep everything going that I was beginning to wonder what exactly we were working toward anymore.
The job seemed like it could solve a lot of problems.
Wayne could continue running the truck, we could reduce some of the overhead in our business, and I could bring in a dependable income without having to worry so much about where the next dollar was coming from.
I interviewed, and I got the offer. You would think I would have been relieved.
And part of me was. But another part of me couldn't stop thinking about what accepting that job would actually mean.
What Was I Really Trying to Save?
I started thinking about what my days would look like.
I'd be back to working full-time for someone else. Someone else would decide my schedule, how much time I had available, and what I needed to be doing throughout the day.
Wayne and I wouldn't be working together the way we had been. I'd have less time for our home, our family, and the things I had been feeling pulled to build.
And I would be putting a lot of my time and energy into helping another company grow while trying to fit our own business and life around whatever time was left.
There was nothing wrong with the job itself. It was a good opportunity, and for someone else it might have been exactly the right decision.
But I kept coming back to the same question.
Was I about to give up the freedom we'd spent years building because I was afraid we couldn't make things work any other way?
That was a hard question, especially when there were real financial concerns involved.
It's easy to talk about following your heart or trusting God when you don't have much at stake. It's another thing when you're looking at bills, business expenses, and the possibility of losing things you've worked years to build.
I didn't want to make another decision just because I was scared.
And I certainly didn't want to mistake a feeling of temporary financial relief for the answer to everything we'd been struggling with.
So I prayed about it. A lot.
Not because I expected God to tell me exactly what salary to accept or hand me a complete business plan, but because I was tired of trying to make every important decision through worry, panic, and whatever seemed safest at the moment.
I wanted to understand what I was actually trying to accomplish, and whether this opportunity would move us closer to that life or farther away from it.
In the end, I turned down the job.
Sometimes the Answer Isn't More
Around that same time, I'd been spending more time reading my Bible and thinking about how often we complicate things that might be simpler than we're making them.
One story I've thought about is Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38–42.
Jesus was visiting their home. Martha was busy taking care of everything that needed to be done, while Mary sat listening to Jesus. Martha became frustrated that she was doing the work while her sister wasn't helping, and she asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her.
I can understand Martha.
There are things that need to be done. People need to eat, work needs to get finished, and somebody has to take care of everything. I know what it's like to feel as though you're the one responsible for keeping it all together.
But Jesus didn't respond by telling Mary to get busy. He pointed out that Martha was worried and upset about many things, while Mary had chosen what was better.
I don't read that story as Jesus saying work or responsibility doesn't matter. I think about how easily the responsibilities of life can become so consuming that we miss what's most important right in front of us.
And I wonder how often I've done exactly that.
I was so worried about keeping the business going, making enough money, managing employees, and figuring out what came next that I was exhausted before I ever got around to enjoying the life we were working so hard to maintain.
Even prayer could become something I tried to fit into a schedule instead of the place I went first.
I wasn't just busy. I was worried and upset about many things.
And I had been for a long time.
I Had to Look at What Was Already in Front of Me
Turning down the job didn't magically fix our finances or make the business problems disappear.
We still had decisions to make.
We had to reduce expenses, change how we operated, and walk away from some things we'd spent years building.
Some of those decisions were difficult. When you've worked hard to grow a business, cutting it back can feel an awful lot like failure.
But I started realizing that keeping something simply because we'd worked hard to build it wasn't always a good enough reason to keep carrying it.
We had to be willing to look at what was actually working and what wasn't.
And something interesting happened when I started spending more time back in the truck with Wayne instead of spending so much time in the office.
I was getting out of the house, working in the business instead of constantly managing everything around it, and spending more time with my husband.
Sometimes we'd even stop and get something to eat together during the day.
It sounds like such a small thing, but after years of running in different directions and trying to keep everything going, those ordinary moments meant something.
I was remembering parts of our life that I'd almost forgotten how to enjoy.
And the funny thing is, we hadn't needed to buy anything new or create another complicated plan to make that happen. We just simplified.
Some of what I needed was already here. I just needed to get back to what we loved about the business when we first started and remember why we built it in the first place.
I Still Want to Grow. Just Not the Same Way.
I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I'm saying. I haven't decided that making money doesn't matter or that we're supposed to stop trying to grow.
We have bills to pay, a business to operate, and a future to prepare for. I want us to do well financially. I want to create more stability, more opportunity, and something that can continue benefiting our family.
But I no longer believe the only way to accomplish that is by making the service side of our business bigger.
We've already experienced what more trucks, more employees, more expenses, and more responsibility can look like.
And while that may be the right path for another business, it isn't necessarily the one we want to keep following.
The truth is, I didn't want to give up our business. I didn't want to throw away everything we'd spent years building or start over somewhere else. I wanted to keep what we'd built, but find a different way to build on it. And this time, instead of trying to figure everything out on our own and making decisions out of fear, I wanted to let God lead us in whatever came next.
Instead, we're using what we've already learned and built to create another side of our business online where I'm able to help and serve people how I would like to and how I feel God wants me to serve.
That's part of what Axles & Acres is about.
We're sharing the experience we've gained through towing and auto transport, the work we do around our acreage, the tools and resources we've found useful, and some of the stories and lessons that come with living this life.
Some of those things may create income through products, guides, or recommendations. Some may simply help someone else avoid a mistake we've made or discover something useful.
We're still doing the work of building that side of the business. It isn't instant income, and there are no guarantees.
But I like the idea of creating things that can continue helping people after I've finished the work of making them.
And I like that we're finding a way to build on the experience we already have instead of feeling as though we have to start our lives completely over.
What Is Fear Asking You to Give Up?
I've thought about that job offer quite a few times since turning it down.
There are days when having that steady paycheck would probably feel pretty nice. I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
But I also think about what I would have given up to get it.
And I think that's something worth considering whenever we're faced with a difficult decision.
Sometimes the safest-looking option really is the wisest choice. There are seasons when taking a dependable job, cutting expenses, or changing direction is exactly what someone needs to do.
But sometimes we're so afraid of what might happen that we don't stop to consider what the decision will cost us in other ways.
Time with our family. Our health. The work we care about. The ability to enjoy the home we've worked so hard for. The freedom to spend our days doing something meaningful to us.
Those things have value, too.
I've found it helpful to ask myself a few questions before making a decision that could change the direction of our lives.
Am I doing this because it's truly the right choice, or because I'm afraid?
Have I taken time to pray and seek wisdom, or have I spent all my time worrying about the outcome?
What problem am I actually trying to solve?
And if this decision works out exactly as planned, will I be happy with the life that comes with it?
That last question has become especially important to me.
Because there's not much sense in spending years trying to build a better life if the decisions we're making keep taking us farther away from the one we actually want.
Doing Our Part and Trusting God With the Rest
Another passage I've been thinking about is 1 Corinthians 3:6–7.
Paul was writing to the church in Corinth, where people had begun placing too much importance on different leaders. Some identified with Paul, others with Apollos. Paul reminded them that one person had planted, another had watered, but God was the one who caused the growth.
He wasn't giving business advice. He was reminding them where the credit for spiritual growth belonged.
But that picture of planting and watering has stayed with me because it reminds me of something I spent years trying to do.
Control everything.
I wanted to know exactly how things were going to work out, what decisions would succeed, how much money we'd make, and how to keep anything from going wrong.
And when I couldn't figure it all out, I'd worry myself sick trying.
I've learned that I can be responsible for the work without being responsible for controlling every outcome.
I can make wise decisions, take care of our finances, create something useful, and show up to do the work.
I can recognize when something isn't working and make changes instead of holding on to it out of fear.
And I can pray for wisdom, follow what I understand from God's Word, and trust Him with the things I can't see.
That doesn't mean I expect every idea to succeed or every difficult situation to turn out the way I want.
It means I don't want fear to run our lives anymore. We've already given enough years to that.
And I pray and know that the years we spent worrying, struggling, and trying to hold everything together ourselves won't be wasted. That God will use what we've experienced, restore what can be restored, and help us build something better from the lessons we've learned.
Not necessarily a bigger business or a more impressive life, but a life where we're doing meaningful work, taking care of what we've been given, spending time with the people we love, and actually being present enough to enjoy it.
I still believe in working hard. I still have big hopes for what we can build, and I still want to earn more than just enough to get by.
But I don't want to spend another ten years believing that peace is something we'll finally get to have when everything else is figured out.
Sometimes the decision that looks safest on paper isn't the one that leads you where you really want to go.
And sometimes you have to stop worrying long enough to recognize what God has already placed right in front of you.
Build the work. Live the life. Remember what matters.
Keep going. 🌾
— Brenda
Keep Going With Us 🌾
If something in this story resonated with you, I hope you'll stick around. We're sharing what we've learned from years on the road, building a business, caring for our acreage, and figuring out how to live the life we've worked so hard to build.
A few places to explore:
The Axles & Acres Dispatch — Join our weekly email for stories, helpful resources, new things we're working on, and little updates from life around the axles and acres.
Helpful Resources — Find our free checklists, practical guides, and resources for business, towing, and everyday life.
Shop — If you'd like to support what we're building or find something useful, you can browse our collection of guides, products, and other things we've created.
Read More From the Journal — More real stories, lessons, and useful information from life on the road, around our acreage, and everything in between.
Thanks for being here and following along.
